They have insurance so the basement restoration will happen. He LOVES his class and his teacher, and he has so many friends in the neighborhood. I know that you love your daughter, and that as she grows youll delight in and be proud of her for reasons you cant even imagine yet. This should absolutely be a hill you should die on. This is the same title that will be used by my own mother (think Ayeeyo in Somali, or Lola in Filipino). Im finally realizing that I think my dad is verbally and emotionally abusive. Ive always been of the mind that regardless of whatever bad feelings there are between me and my ex, it is in our kids best interests to maintain a relationship with both parents. How can I be a supportive figure in her life and not alienate her from a relationship with her biological mom? Hes a loving man so she stays and I understand how tough that would be. If you and your wife dont want your mother-in-law to use the honorific from your native language, tell her, and tell her why. Dear Care and Feeding, I can't stand my in-laws. This may also help give you confidence around speaking with your dad. A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & similar style letters/ advice columns. You are within your rights to help your kid find books thatll be good for him right now; you arent going to be monitoring his reading forever. But my son said that for now theyd like some space, and hed like me to apologize to my DIL when we do get together. I Despise My In-Laws. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Where do we go from here? Additionally, you should enlist a friend or family member to stand by your side when you talk to him in person so you have that extra support. Three-year-olds are the weirdest people on the planet. Its anonymous! One is a state college 30 minutes away. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. While the columnist tries to talk the distressed relative off the ledge with words of calm just back away slowly . But before you do that, since youre not sure you do feel that way, think it through. Photo illustration by Slate. Sign up for Slate Plus now. Photo illustration by Slate. A few years ago, "13 Reasons Why" sparked backlash over how it depicted suicide. Uh, No Thanks. Sometimes its in response to little things, like a line for the bathroom or a movie she likes being taken off Netflix, other times its a reaction to more major setbacks, like not getting the grade she wants on a test or not making a sports team. Would it be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends brothers funeral as a learning experience. ); if thats not possible, ask him not to disturb you when you are in a session. Especially to her stepmother, who seems to be making no effort to hide her own considerable distaste and dislike for the childs mother. Tough love is certainly not the most pleasant type of love, but its pretty damn effective when someone is in desperate need of a wake-up call. I am a working mother of three amazing kids. My son-in-law works 20-30 hours a week and my daughter struggles with depression and takes seasonal jobs. I know how hard it is to parent with the unknown future stretching ahead of you, and only some of the answers and reassurances you might crave. Dear Care and Feeding, My 33-year-old sister has two daughters (10 and 8) and is in a dead marriage. Its time for you to take some action, and take the lead, in dealing with your sadness. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. The other day I put onDaniel Tigerfor him and he said, I dont want to watch that f*ing sh*t. Help me! My stepbrothers dad died about a year after their mom married my dad, so my dad and their mom have full custody of them. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Shes very patient, kind, and funnyof course he likes her! ), As to your second question: For goodness sake, stay out of it. My mom never remarried, but when I was in high school my dad married a younger woman with two toddlers. I see you, and others will, too. I dont have any resentment but I do have a lot of hard knocks now. My mother-in-law moved in with us in August, for the foreseeable future, and my partner and I have noticed that she treats the 5-year-old differently than she did the others at the same age, especially when it comes to discipline. Though Im sure youve given this some thought, let me remind you that you can take your ex to court to try and force her into mediation. This is nothing at all to feel bad about, either. Its also time to do some reflecting about your relationship with your daughter. No, Im sorry. Even if you dont see any red flags other than what you outlined here, it wouldnt hurt to have her speak with a therapist. And how do we support him as he struggles? Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. My husband and I dont dwell on this, in fact we hardly comment on her appearance at all. You dont say much about Daisys father, which seems curious to meI cant figure out how he fits into these conversations about Daisys reluctance to spend time with her mother, what his relationship with his daughter is like, or what he has to say about his exs relationship with their daughter before the Solomonic splitting of herbut he needs to be brought into the conversation now. There was a long pause and then she said shed have to think about it. Now I wonder if she thought I was putting off talking to her because of her request for boundaries. (Questions may be edited for publication.). I Despise My In-Laws. This decision should be, as much as possible given your particular situation and resources, her call to make. Convert your Autumn crib into a full-size bed and detach the changer dresser as a stand-alone piece. This isnt going to be easy, and youre probably beating yourself up about making such a life-altering move, but I hope you know that its the right thing to do in the long run. He takes the bus to work, and often finds himself out of breath after walking up the same hill from the bus stop to our house that hes been walking up for 15 years. countries. You say your husband is obviously hurt by his parents seeming to favor his sister, but unless he has told you that, I think youre projecting. We met, got married, and live in her hometown. Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group! He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. No matter what, dont let this slide. Is there something about your relationship that you think could scare her from talking to you about her sexuality? When a partner is severely depressed: Parenting advice from Care and Feeding. content language. Ive asked Ella a few times about whether shes serious when she says these things, and she acts like Im the weird one for worrying that she might actually be suicidal! You have to use headphones.". All English Franais. Or dinosaurs. 'The Signal Man' is a short story written by one of the world's most famous novelists, Charles Dickens. By that time, though, my son and DIL were going to be home in an hour anyway, so I just held him while he cried and did my best to comfort him. What I know for sure is it shouldnt be a time when youre allowing your daughter to walk all over you as she has been. It is beyond ridiculous, and I am sick of it. Whether or not you take any steps to try and change the relationship between you and her, I think your children deserve to hear your frank thoughts on this. Photos by polkadot and denisik11/iStock/Getty Images Plus. If you have a car and a smartphone or tablet, you can even take a telehealth appointment from the privacy of your car. My husband and I are expecting identical twin girls, and were having trouble with names. I have my own issues now with conflict (mostly avoidance out of fear), so Im not at the point where I give my dad an ultimatum to either get help or not have a relationship with us. The baby fought a bit and ended up having only half of his first bottle. and then ensure she sees a mental health professional immediately. All rights reserved. Parenting advice on boundaries, new grandparents, and marital trouble. Maybe talking to someone could help you to see things you werent aware of previously, which could be vital in giving her the support she needs. But her relationship with her biological mom is strained and only seems to be getting worse. I can say this honestly and without bias. Also, you should find out who he spilled the beans to and ensure they keep it under wraps. Their parents have always allowed this now 45-year-old woman to act and talk this way. My adult daughter (25) and her husband (27) are not thriving. ), is just an impossible, unsustainable situation for your kid. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Dear Care and. Dear Care and Feeding, My brother "John" and his wife have three children. Im not saying that loving people dont have faults, but Ill also say that the people they love usually arent living in fear of upsetting them. And, I remind you, I am 64 years old. I Despise My In-Laws. Uh, No Thanks. Ive heard testimony from numerous twins that this is not a good idea because it makes it harder for them to create an identity. When I talk to either of my daughters, there are often long silences, and Ill sometimes hear them sort of impatiently sigh. I really do try to be neutral about the whole thingI dont want him to be ashamed of this quirkbut maybe he is picking up on my own unease about it? To have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with two adolescents and their 45-year-old mother? Some of their friends have grandparents who are in their early 60s. There is not a huge difference in what it will cost us, but enough to make a difference. Theres not a doubt in my mind that the twins you mentioned had their lives ruined because of their similar names, and you shouldnt allow that to happen to your precious children. You know the saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink? I dont want to ask my kids What did your mom say about me this week? and I definitely dont want to put them in a difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their parents. Although he gets good grades, we fight all the time over schoolwork. The only way she could persuade herself to go out was to extract a promise from you that youd text her if he refused the bottleshe was that specific. - Slate November 7, 2022 by Schools Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are? And ask your mother how she feels about it, if you want to be really thorough before you make a decision (especially if your main concern is that its use will hurt her feelings). You must realize that youre not doing your daughter or your grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue. She is an adult. If your husband doesnt like to talk about it, you may never know. Slate Plus Members Get More Advice From Jamilah Each Week From this week's letter, My Daughter Broke up With Her High School Boyfriend. Intentions arent everything. I cant say exactly what will feel right for you, what will allow you to move forward without denying your feelings or your fears. Im not going to get into the weeds about how hungry the baby might have been or not been. My husband runs his own business and works crazy hours. Your family will not be invisible to such people either, and I hope you come across many more of them. And then, it happened. My youngest daughter is 10 months old andat her birthwas diagnosed with a very rare genetic disorder that brings with it a wide range of physical and intellectual disabilities. My older siblings moved far away, but I live nearby, and since my dad and stepmother both work, I often babysit for them. Or ladybugs. Slate, which launched its first advicecolumn, Dear Prudence, in 1997, has seen notable traffic around advice and noticed positive upticks in its business' bottom line. Id also find out more about why shes considering commuting to collegeshe must have her reasons, and maybe some of those are reasons you could try to understand and respect, even if you still dont agree. He likes gloveslet him play with gloves. In the meantime, I wish you fortitude. Running the risk of sounding dismissive, I have a strong feeling that the same will be the case for your son. You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. You should absolutely talk to your son. Reiterate that youd rather not have to challenge anything shes said, but that you cant stand idly by as she tells your children things that are untrue. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Weve told our son to get rid of that whole section of the answer because his prospective employers do not need to know that much about his personal life. 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