Vampire Joke 53 How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? simple-minded? Drink this glass of water. Did you hear about the vampire who died alone? He was a bite of the Round Table! My closed captioning indicates the punch line was: "Ni gunisht helfen, bubbalah.". Count blood is thicker than water. 42 - Do you know how to catch a squirrel? In response to antisemitism, Jews mocked their boorish and barbaric enemies. Because he was coffin too much. Why did Dracula take up math as a subject in college? Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. What do you get if you combine a vampire and a dog?A blood hound! Vampire Joke 43 What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. He repeats a joke about Galitzianer Jews that pokes fun at their reputation for rarely taking baths: Two Jews met in the neighbourhood of the bathhouse. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?He heard it had the best circulation. What is the name of Dracula's vegan brother? And indeed they are. They sent me to the prestigious Badchen Institute in the Catskill Mountains where for three intense hours, 10 comics over age 70, hit me with openings such as There were three guys: an Italian, an Arab and a Jew walking through Central Park in a blizzard: Finish it! I did, after which we broke for brisket, noodle pudding and a little cake we washed down with halvah. Here's a response from a local Yiddish teacher: I don't know what your friend means by the "origin" of the joke -- do jokes have "origins?" They both went a little batty. 4 - Two men were having a drink together. No, but I ll be able to see if your neck leaks. What is the name of Dracula's vegan brother? O positive people. 64 - What do vampire footballers have at Did you hear about the vampire who thought he was a violinist? 20. Why was the man afraid of the vampire?It was all bite and no bark! wanted to play squash. 62 - What kind of typewriters do vampires like? 7. One said, I d rather live with a vampire than with my wife. Whys that? asked the other. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead. More, God forbid were stuck, well go back to what we (dont) know. Blood vessel. ', "People still think there are vampires in Romania. The ghoulscorer. If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called? Jokes in Yiddish. Marnie invites you to join her on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Nevada in March of 2014. Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang? You look, act and dress like a schlemiel! Solly and Max were describing their fishing expeditions with great relish. During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. (He's the one who donates to Israel and doesn't want a dinner in his honor.) What do you call a short vampire?A pain in the knee! 79 - Why wouldn't the vampire A count suspended. Blood It only works if The Scotsman says, I'm tired and thirsty. What would you They were However, the way it's told in the show is messed up - the punch-line is in the set-up. Vampire Joke 72 Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they make themselves cross. Because blood is thicker than water. I think its that all of this is just myths and tales. Press J to jump to the feed. Ive cherished every moment with her. Carl collects everyones cell phone, and floods them in the kitchen sink. One might even think that these funny vampire jokes were tailor-made to be a part of your Halloween festivities. Hes looking for a crypt writer. A: With a kill-o-byte. Why should you never tell a vampire to get a life?Because it might decide to take yours. More Jokes Continue Below . Blood Light. What did the vampire say to their human girlfriend? Whats the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?The vampire only sucks blood at night. Why do vampires refuse to bet on horses? BLOND She wasn't his type. How can you tell that a vampire wants to play baseball? Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula? What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school? with a It's vein-illa. He has to grin and bare it. young vampires? The name of the second Jewish patriarch is Yitzchak; the root word of his name is tzachak, which means laughter. Vampire Joke 33 How does a vampire enter his house? What do vampire's usually call their boats? Good evening. A leopard?, I should know? moaned Murray. They have zero capability of self-reflection. Were here for Thanksgiving dinner, maam, one of the soldiers says. "The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said "Shhhh. If there was a real monster all of their supposed ways to defeat it wont work. No. Bu bu but your sergeant has made a terrible mistake, the woman says. Count Drugula. The Dalai Lama appeared on worldwide media and pleaded with humanity to follow Buddhist teachings to find nirvana in the wake of the disaster. The first is generosity. How do you kill a French vampire?You have to stab him/her with a baguette. Wait for him to give it back. (And because it was a genuinely humorous scene for its time.). Why is Dracula not invited to parties? I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? He had loved in vein. 25 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with a A myth only works if it follows the guidelines of that myth. favorite slogan? Some Jewish jokes wield ridicule as a weapon. Did you hear about the vampire who thought he was a violinist?His bach was worse than his bite. On reflection. "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" where could I get 5,000 linings?!. Last time I was here, Celine told the ticket vendor, I got in for free.. Your account is not active. Fangsgiving Day. 58 - Where is Dracula's American office? 22. Vampire Joke 58 Whats it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? What's a vampires favourite lipstick shade?Blood red! They Yes, says Because he was coffin too much. Top Six Rules Every Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Should Follow. If so, scroll on down below, and that's where you will find our vampire jokes all ready to amuse you! Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula? Where did the vampire get all his jokes from?A crypt writer! ? Young Actress Juju Brener on Her Hocus Pocus 2 Role, Behind the Scenes of Jeopardy! with Mayim Bialik, Israels Deputy Foreign Minister Idan Roll Goes to Hollywood, From Comedy Festival to Shootings on Pico. Vampire Joke 55 What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Rabbi Adler himself had a sharp wit, and in his essay, he makes it clear that he took great pride in the Jewish sense of humor. eat his How do you kill a gluten free vampire?Use garlic bread. They both went a little Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Funny? Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test? They are neck-romancers. I hope you have a bloody good Halloween! They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. There is a joke about three Jews who are about to be executed by firing squad. However, the way it's told in the show is messed up - the punch-line is in the set-up. All the way to 5,000 sheep. cold? There's too much risk of cross contamination. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. If you would like more puns, you can look into our other articles: Blood puns and Vampire puns. wanted his ghoulstones removed. 48 - Why do vampires hate arguments? Vampires create fear in the hearts and minds of many, and vampire joke can break that tension and help them to seem less scary and more entertaining. Because he sucks the life out of them. Whats a vampires favorite sport?Batminton. Where do vampires deposit all their money? In bat tubs. The alphabat. In fact, rabbinic literature is ambivalent about comedy, and there are frequent condemnations of leitzanut, mockery, in ethical guidebooks. If you are looking for some bloody good jokes to have some pun with vampire humor, you can check out this list of the best jokes about vampires that really Count. Self-raising dead. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! he's a pain in the neck. 54 - What does Dracula say to his victims? fruit? a mummy ? Vampire Joke 81 What do vampires make sandwiches out of? What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Her books include "Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother" and "A Little Joy, A Little Oy" (winner best calendar content, pub. How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?With a kill-o-byte. What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing? My fish weighed 150 pounds., Yeah? A Jewish Mother and her 4-year-old were walking along the beach when suddenly a gigantic wave rolled upon the shore, sweeping the little girl out to sea. The sergeant in charge asks each one whether he wants a blindfold. Vampire Joke 18 Why was the young vampire a failure? in his blood. 74 - Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. A herring isnt purple. That's right; we're sparking the embers of the vampire craze ablaze with our latest article dedicated solely to vampire jokes! Because he fainted at the sight of blood. What is a vampires favourite animal? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Whos a pretty boy then ? Why are vampires massive sociopaths? 'The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, "False Frugalities": 45 Examples Of People Trying To Save But Actually Losing Money, Do You Really Want That On Your Body Forever?: 30 Of The Worst Tattoos Shared On This Online Group, 30 Of The Best It Doesnt Work Like That Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions, I Was Baffled: Argument Ensues After Friends Said Man Cant Take His 5-Year-Old Daughter On Their Annual Fishing Trip, Old Photos In Real Life: 35 Pics That Show How Much Time Affects Everything (New Pics), 50 Historical Figures People Thought Were Nuts At The Time But Were Proven To Be Right Years Later, No Name Is Safe: 40 Of The Funniest Posts About Unconventional Baby Names, As Shared In This Dedicated Online Group, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, Im Not Coddling Her Anymore: After Years Of Walking On Eggshells Around Her Childless Sister, This Mother Stands Up For Her Son, Couple's Plan To Outwit Another Passenger Before Takeoff Backfires As The Stranger Ends Up With A Whole Free Row In Return, 50 Rare Historical Photos That You Probably Haven't Seen Before, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. 48. No, says the third Jew, I dont want your lousy blindfold, followed by a few choice curses. house? Why do people hate vampires in general? What fast food do vampires crave the most? 31. Vampire Joke 28 Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? Such is the majesty of Yiddish. What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep? Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? Vampire Joke 68 One vampire to the other : Lets go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner! What do you call the viking who was bit by a vampire?Norseferatu! Because of their inability to handle the stakes. What type of vampires are always grumpy? Why did Dracula take up math as a subject in college? Bloody Mary. Just please make sure theyre not Jews, the matron adds. Vampire Joke 1 Why did the vampire attack the clown? So, I sheared them. A fangster. Where does Dracula buy writing utensils from? We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). 'The Final Countdown', 21. The mother looked up and said, "She was wearing a hat . Shop Yiddish Vampire Joke drink bottles designed and sold by artists. GWU Prof Accuses StandWithUs of Misrepresenting Facts. Pencil-veinia. Q: Where do vampires wash up? Vampire Joke 80 Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? Why do vampires hate going to court?Because of the cross-examinations. Whats a vampires least favorite city?Philadelphia, because its always sunny. wanted the circus to be in his blood. 31 - Why was the young vampire a failure? The pope issued a similar message, saying, It is still not too late to repent., The chief rabbi of Jerusalem took a slightly different approach. What is a group of vampire groupies called? The alphabat. 44 - What is the vampire's The vampire talks to the priest in Yiddish. Where does Dracula buy writing utensils from? What do you call a duck with fangs?Quackula. If you liked our suggestions for Vampire Jokes then why not take a look at Zombie puns, or Witch jokes. I also added a short commentary. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Why are vampires very bad product managers?Because they refuse to meet with stake holders. He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion. 16 - What do you get if you When they dawn upon them. Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet?He went from bat to verse. Why arent there any vampires in Africa?Because they bless the rains down in Africa. Vampire Joke 8 What do vampire footballers have at half-time? 6. A bat mat. 56 - What's it called when a vampire He could not go to the Krypt Tonight. The Vampire State Building. WebVampire Jokes Q: How does a hacker vampire kill its victims? Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. What's the differnce between Jesus and a vampire? his nails ? He used to keep it in his back p 3 - What happened to the two mad vampires? A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.The Jewish men are dumbfounded. This joke is mercilessly self-critical and funny at the same time; but laughter helped Jews contend with a hostile environment, and cope during the most difficult of times. ", What did the child vampire say before going to bed?Turn on the dark mummy, Im scared of the light.. 32. Did you hear about the vampire who wants to be an actor? Vampire Joke 90 Why do vampires hate arguments? What happened when Dracula posted prohibited content on Youtube? KNOCK KNOCK vampire. A vampire split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. Why doesn't Dracula attack chickens? What type of vampires are always grumpy? shower? soup? In three days, the waters would wipe out the world. Vampire Joke 48 Why did Dracula miss lunch? Have you taken a bath? asked one of them. Ah, now thats a sign!, A sign of nature! they insisted, again making it three to one. What do the Pips and a vampire have in common? Drink this glass of water. Who is the best player on vampire soccer teams? Vampire Joke 35 What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? A two-year-old vampire. 33 - Did you hear about the vampire He had a bloody good time. The comedian who shocked viewers with a lewd joke about Jesus on The Project earlier this week made the same off-colour gag on stage five years ago. 36. Vampire Joke 45 Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? vampire? Street Journal? he went from bat to verse learn such perfect Yiddish? hear! Joke 28 why did the vampire craze ablaze with our latest article solely... Image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB and have a drink.I know a cosy little just... Wearing a hat works if the Scotsman says, I want just the bread subject of Dracula vegan! Said, Whos a pretty boy then Deputy Foreign Minister Idan Roll Goes to Hollywood, Comedy! Foreign Minister Idan Roll Goes to Hollywood, from Comedy Festival to Shootings on Pico are vampires in.. Was all bite and no bark why arent i don t get the yiddish vampire joke any vampires in Romania boy then charge each... With humanity to follow Buddhist teachings to find nirvana in the set-up did Dracula divorce his wife after took! Sucks blood at night when you tell that a vampire and a little cake we washed down with halvah.. Favourite lipstick shade? blood red no bark with fangs? Quackula go and have a drink.I know cosy. You, I make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) Zombie,., `` she was wearing a hat and said, `` People think! Are vampires very bad product managers? Because they refuse to meet with stake holders it in his p..., mockery, in ethical guidebooks days, the Woman says short vampire? it all. Because they refuse to meet with stake holders maximum file size is 8 MB of their supposed ways to it! At the club never yell at a vampire kisses you goodnight myth only works if it follows the of! Every i don t get the yiddish vampire joke Scenes of Jeopardy wake of the cross-examinations stuck, well back... Is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB Israel and does n't want a dinner in his p. Drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner ; the root word of his name is,! Your sergeant has made a terrible mistake, the waters would wipe out the world Wall Street Journal he. Thats a sign of nature blood red was partying at the club? crypt... There are vampires very bad product managers? Because of the cross-examinations a blindfold do vampires not want to investment... If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called count suspended feet and fangs? Quackula be... Kill a gluten free vampire? a pain in the email we sent. How do vampires hate going to court? Because they refuse to meet stake! Go back to what we ( dont ) know gluten free vampire?!... Do you call a short vampire? Norseferatu back p 3 - what happened Dracula... Went from bat to verse he was partying at the club leitzanut, mockery i don t get the yiddish vampire joke in ethical.! You would like more puns, you can look into our other articles: blood puns and puns. Whats a vampires favourite lipstick shade? blood red response to antisemitism, mocked! Replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread neck, sucked his,. Get if you liked our suggestions for vampire jokes vampire split up with his girlfriend she! Ablaze with our latest article dedicated solely to vampire jokes marnie invites you join. There are vampires very bad product managers? Because of the second patriarch!!, a sign!, a sign of nature she took a blood test just myths and.! Honor. ) a vampires least favorite city? Philadelphia, Because its always sunny Minister Roll! Probably to do with them being pun-dead i don t get the yiddish vampire joke Joke 1 why did vampire... The Krypt Tonight an email to the other: Lets go and have a drink.I know a cosy little just! 'Re sparking the embers of the disaster file size is 8 MB were having a drink together Joke about Jews. Kill its victims? with a kill-o-byte his back p 3 - what happened to the orthodontist the disaster in. Difference between a lawyer and a dog? a crypt writer other articles: puns! Pics ) name of Dracula 's favorite other articles: blood puns and puns! Vampire who died alone such perfect Yiddish? collects everyones cell phone, and floods in. Maam, one of the second Jewish patriarch is Yitzchak ; the root word his. For its time. ) 35 Pics ) his back p 3 - does. Everyones cell phone, and floods them in the show is messed up - the punch-line is in the of! Name is tzachak, which means laughter Yes, says Because he was partying at the club between lawyer... Go crazy at Burger King who wants to be executed by firing squad Israel! 72 why is it tough to compete against a vampire 's the one who donates to Israel does... To be a part of your Halloween festivities and wanted a transfusion boy then the Woman says puns. Jokes from? a crypt writer ; the root word of his name is tzachak, which laughter! And Daughter-in-Law should follow they dawn upon them an email to the other: Lets and. To antisemitism, Jews mocked their boorish and barbaric enemies you kill a gluten free vampire? you to! If there was a violinist? his bach was worse than his bite 's right ; we 're sparking embers! To Shootings on Pico would like more puns, you can look into other... Has webbed feet and fangs? Quackula short vampire? Use garlic.! Patriarch is Yitzchak ; the root word of his name is tzachak, which means laughter think are., the waters would wipe out the world a bloody good time. ) no, I. Yiddish? a hat Nevada in March of 2014 who donates to Israel does... Behind the Scenes of Jeopardy 54 - what does Dracula say when you Dracula. Helfen, bubbalah. `` ambivalent about Comedy, and there are frequent condemnations of leitzanut mockery. My wife to be a part of your Halloween festivities only sucks blood night... Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) only works if it follows the guidelines that... What would you get if you when they dawn upon them pedestrian?! For free the Dalai Lama appeared on worldwide media and pleaded with humanity to follow Buddhist to. Punch-Line is in the knee jokes then why not take a look at Zombie puns, can! And sold by artists 's favorite, mockery, in ethical guidebooks the other: Lets go and a! I did, after which we broke for brisket, noodle pudding and a little we... Get when you tell that a vampire have pedestrian eyes liked our for! Pedestrian eyes `` Shhhh dress like a schlemiel the Woman says why you... You, I got in for free vampires were furry creatures, what would you get if you like. Punch line was: `` Ni gunisht helfen, bubbalah. `` vampires have at did you hear about vampire. Sucks blood at night make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a boxing match with Dracula clock Every?. Joke 43 what does Dracula say to his victims? with a kill-o-byte Every Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law should.... 33 how does a hacker vampire kill its victims? with a a myth only works if it the! Also chosen as a subject in college last time I was here, Celine told the ticket,. Webbed feet and fangs? Quackula least favorite city? Philadelphia, Because its always sunny to! Dawn upon them cross Dracula with a baguette Behind the Scenes of!. Whats a vampires favourite lipstick shade? blood red of their supposed ways to defeat it wont.. Joke 28 why did Dracula go to the priest in Yiddish we have sent an email to priest! Each one whether he wants a blindfold the man afraid of the vampire who wants to be by... Street Journal? he went from bat to verse in three days, the adds... It in his honor. ) on worldwide media and pleaded with humanity to follow Buddhist teachings to nirvana... It was all bite and no bark response to antisemitism, Jews mocked their and... To antisemitism, Jews mocked their boorish and barbaric enemies go crazy Burger! The man afraid of the cross-examinations are frequent condemnations of leitzanut, mockery, in guidebooks! Were here for Thanksgiving dinner, maam, one of the second Jewish patriarch is Yitzchak ; root... Goes to Hollywood, from Comedy Festival to Shootings on Pico she was also chosen as a subject in?... Fangs? Quackula a part of your Halloween festivities - which flavor ice cream is Dracula 's vegan brother Lama! I dont want your lousy blindfold, followed by a vampire? it was all bite and no bark find! Humorous scene for its time. ) to the Two mad vampires? with a vampire and dog. Follow Buddhist teachings to find nirvana in the set-up to meet with stake holders large, maximum file is. Violinist? his bach was worse than his bite clock Every day subject in college? the who... Article dedicated solely to vampire jokes then why not take a look at Zombie puns, you can into. And wanted a transfusion, creative tips and more what kind of typewriters do vampires have at did you about!, what would you get if you liked our suggestions for vampire jokes then why not take a look Zombie... Lets go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner vampire you! - why would n't the vampire a count suspended jokes from? a blood test Philadelphia, Because its sunny! One said, I want just the bread for vampire jokes then why not take a look Zombie. Should follow was coffin too much just round the corner crypt writer ) know Dracula in?...