But Im going to guess that fewer than ten percent of the people we know are like that. When asked near the time, theyre thinking of whats already on their calendar and the demands on their current time, money or change in schedule that your request is going to require. Therefore, if you need to ask for a big favor, it's sometimes better to start by asking for a small favor that you can reciprocate, before moving to your main request later on. He needed a favor from a political rival and rather than coming out and asking him for that favor, which he knew would not likely to be granted, instead he requested an uncommon book from this persons library. Maralee McKee is dedicated to helping you become the person you most want to be and to live a confident, kind, and generous life! But its also kind of a huge ask. Without actually saying it . So ask in a way that informs their decisionand lets them say no without risking your friendship: I see theres an opening for a senior management role at [Their Company]. For this company I have to assume there was some kind of unique and compelling story that brought investors in, in the first place. A 2016 study showed higher in-person success rates than those from email. By the way, are you busy this weekend? It's fine to compliment someone afterwards, but when it's the first thing out of your mouth it is ruined by asking for a favor. Let them know how much their yes means to you and how you appreciate them for it. 2. When thinking about the future, people are more optimistic about what theyll be able to comfortably complete. So after just a moment or two of initial pleasantries like, Good morning, try saying something along the lines of Ashleigh, I have a favor to ask of you.. For example, familial ties an identity that is almost tribal in nature. I love your work and I always listen to your podcast. And this is great, but I cant always tell if they are really a true fan or if they have simply used CRM software to auto-populate their form letter with the name of my book or my blog and my podcast or something of that nature. Would you be able to put the two of us in touch? Alexa, tell me a yo mama joke. A favor is a gift, regardless of whether you're on the giving end or the recipient. In fact, what researchers have found is that you can be more persuasive by giving the person an out, by closing your pitch with, but you are free to choose. Try something like: [8] "Yup, it's working. Now, if you are from the State of Ohio, we have 50 States in the United States and most of them dont have a really super strong identity. Roger Dooley is the author of Friction and Brainfluence. I know what Im asking is inconvenient for you. Leave space for them to escape if they want to. #Neuromarketing Click To Tweet Some may even reference a specific article. Approach the right person at an appropriate time to ask for a favor. You may recall that we were BFFs during the first season of [TV SHOW], and I was hoping you might let me come by the set of [YOUR NEW TV SHOW] when you start shooting so I can see how it works. Some will, but most won't. A friend of mine worked for a television showrunner a few years back and heard this showrunner was filming a new pilot. The Best Ways to Ask for a Favor (The 3-Step Formula) 1. So the moral there is that sometimes its good to not get too far between your favor and the favor that youre asking for. Remember, only you have the power to make me wear a stupid hat. If you suggest a trade, like promising a free ebook in return for giving up a visitors email, you probably will convert more visitors. Bless the world by being you at your best! Ask in a private setting. The experimenter would attempt to cut in line while people were waiting to use the machine. Set the stage. Their yes or no should be based on full information, so youll want to share all you know about what it will require of them concerning their: time, money, skills, work, fast-approaching deadline, tools or other items, etc. Votes: 1 John Churton Collins When somebody asks for a favor involving information, if you don't know him or can't verify his identity, just say no. Why we must be ethical when using persuasion. Often, these have the feel of a mass mailing with a couple of personalized fields in the mail merge. And asking for pizza because you're a poor student also didn't make much difference. ), People. Franklin employed the strategy himself by asking to borrow a rare book from a political rival. This isnt begging. Most people don't think twice about being asked for favors, unless you come across as needy and constantly want something. Who opens attachments from strangers? In addition, a small gift is usually a kind and well-received gesture. For this company, I presume there was a unique and compelling story that brought investors in. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? Asking for the advice over coffee or a meal doesnt cut it, because the amount youre treating them doesnt equal what they charge hourly. He is the primary author at Neuromarketing, contributes at Forbes, and hosts the Brainfluence Podcast. And thats a good thing, because if youre extra thoughtful, theyll notice and be more inclined to help you when they can. I signed up for this 5k run/walk with some friends and apparently it's to help raise money for curing women's cancers (my apologies to those of you who were hoping to cure testicular cancernot this time). Thank you for tuning into this episode of Brainfluence. The thing I enjoy most about hosting this show is talking to the really smart people who usually join me as guests, but Im happy to throw in a few of these too. The 21,000+ posts on that subreddit since it was started in December 2010 offer great insights into what makes a request successful. The Stanford researchers found that, about 70 percent of the time, the best requests were made by people who: Demonstrated a strong need for the pizza (job or money issues, helping a family) Said . Photo by skeeze - under CC0 License 02 "I thought you'd never ask!" Maybe theyll be in touch to forward your resume to HR, or maybe they know the position is going to be filled internally and they can nudge you in another direction. If you have that in common with somebody that is much more like unity than liking and chances are you dont have that in common with somebody else. Do a "deep search" instead. Every episode shows you how to improve your business with advice based on science or data. If they tried the same thing and offered no reason, they just asked if they could cut in line, they in fact were rejected much more frequently. So, I listed some short answers down below but I don't know if they are correct. I had faced a similar situation on a professional networking portal but did not know how to respond to the unknown person. Now, this seems to be a logical approach, but in fact, it does not work all that well. This message increases the likelihood youll get a response for three reasons. Studies have shown that even irrelevant reasons can increase compliance. When you get an email where somebody asks you for something, you may agree to do it right away, or you may reject it right away, but theres also a chance that youll have to think about it because, well, youre not really sure. 11. The Mindlessness of Ostensibly Thoughtful Action: The Role of Placebic Information in Interpersonal Interaction 1978. And if youre listening in audio format right now, you should know that this episode is available in video format as well, as many of you have seen my in-person keynotes and workshops know I get carried away with visuals, so the video version will have images in a virtual keynote format, not just my talking head. Asking a Favor Could / Would you do me a favor? Say thanks and make the world a better place. Now, this may be a little bit difficult these days, ask in person is the fifth technique. To learn more, go to RogerDooley.com/Friction, or just visit the book seller of your choice. What excited them enough, that they forked over a pile of their money? Your instinct when you are say trying to close a sale or trying to get the person to agree, to approve a project or whatever youre trying to do is to sort of eliminate all the other options logically, show them that your choice is by far the best and perhaps the only one they have. (But we shouldnt have to mention that on an etiquette blog.). Its easy to feel entitled. When you are asking for a favor, here are the three key steps to keep in mind: Set the Stage: "I have a favor to ask you" Give a Reason Provide an Escape Clause Set the Stage The phrase "I. So you can say this has at least somewhat of a blessing from the master himself. Three Ways to Say No Without Feeling Guilty. Ive talked to the other moms I know in Everlys preschool co-op, and even called the school and my church office asking if they know of anyone to watch her on the three Thursdays when I have training until 10 PM for my new job. To stand out from the canned pitches, use flattery wisely. We're much more likely to grant a favor if someone offers us a. Might you have 15 minutes to chat over the phone? Two days later, the same guy sent me a second email that said only, Just making sure you saw this., The good news for this sender is that his email DID inspire me to write an article. Youre asking someone to put their work reputation on the line to vouch for you. And 77% said they "always" or . Many sales pitches and other requests close by explaining why the target has to act. Share her content on social media. You don't need to go on and on, or you'll make the person uncomfortable. Youre doing a couple of things here, you were setting up that future reciprocation and you are also telling that person that they are the kind of person that does favors for people, that is generous with their time. Your reason always doesnt have to be incredibly persuasive. All Rights Reserved. Are you concerned that people will think less of you if you ask for something? The experimenter would try and cut to the front of the line, and when the experimenter offered an excuse that was valid like, Gee, do you mind if I cut? You probably shouldnt use those exact words, but letting the recipient know that theres no pressure will increase the probability that youll get what you are looking for. It is doing a favor for somebody before you ask for one in return. But here is the crazy part, if they tried to cut and offered a nonsense reason, for instance, Do you mind if I cut in line? Most people are happy to help someone in need. I started my career in field sales and I would often visit people and theyd say, Oh, would you like a cup of coffee? And I would almost invariably say no, because Im thinking, Wow, Im already taking up this important persons time. Fulfilling favors (while respecting our personal boundaries and not allowing ourselves to become doormats) is one beautiful way we share the fruit of our spirit. Thanks for the favor. The importance of reciprocation. If youre in a bad spot and this favor is important, explain why its so important. Help improve the show by leaving a Rating & Review in, Join the discussion for this episode in the comments section below. To find more episodes like this one, and to access all of Rogers online writing and resources, the best starting point is RogerDooley.com. You got a minute? When you drive down a residential street here in Texas, you will probably see on almost every house a Texas flag, a Texas star, some kind of decoration in the shape of the state. Etiquette School of America | Maralee McKee, In Funny Girl, the 1960s Broadway musical and then the movie of the same name,the world was introduced to a twenty-something then-mostly-unknown Barbara Streisand. And the reason its so commonly used is because it works. 03. #Neuromarketing, irrelevant reasons can increase compliance, The power of 'because' - even nonsense helps you be persuasive! #Neuromarketing. Learn more at RogerDooley.com, and follow him on Twitter at @rogerdooley. So what Franklin is saying is that as powerful as reciprocation is this effect may be even more powerful than that in some cases. Cool. 4. Whats happening here is Cialdinis principle of commitment and consistency is being invoked. Wouldnt asking for two favors be even more annoying than just one? Now, another technique I see very commonly used, not always effectively, is flattery. Not in a keeping score kind of way, as in thinking, I did you five favors, and so far youve only done one for me.. Here are some interesting ways to ask for reviews. Second, youre showing youre up to speed on whats going on at their company (and that this isnt a mass email). | Brainfluence Brief, The Power of INaction with Jinny Uppal - Brainfluence, Roger Dooley Speaking at Marketing Forum, Milan, Italy, The Best Way To Start A Meeting with Vanessa Van Edwards, Southwests $825 Million Loss Signals Why Companies Shouldnt Put Off Internal Investments, Cultural Frame Switching: Different Language, Different Personality. Im definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have been wondering if this approach would make sense for me, too. 2. For the other 90+ percent, try to say yes as much as possible. But we might not always hear the actual language used, these researchers concluded. 1) What if they say "No" - We're afraid to ask for a favor because we don't want to hear a "No". The tactic of offering people a choice has been tested in so many labs around the world that it has an acronym: BYAF. Third, youre providing them with multiple ways to help you, so they can choose what works best for them. Do this in a very subtle way and lighthearted way. The farther out you ask others for their help, the better your chances are of them saying yes to your request. For example, you might start with liking. Hitting someone with, I just posted a 5-star review of your book on Amazon, and then immediately asking for something might seem self-serving. When you impact children, for good or bad, you impact eternity. Either way, the two of you solved something together, and thats always good for relationships. Be seated.. Today, were going to get back to our Brainfluence roots and look at the best ways to ask for a favor, to maximize the chance that you will actually get that favor. Gracias por el paro. For something like helping with a move, youll also want to provide meals and snacks for the day, and follow up with a thank you call the day after the move-in is complete. So almost every day I get emails from people I barely know, or more often dont know at all, asking for favors. Allow me to share the how-to and why of each of them with you. You can find all the versions of this podcast, show notes, links, et cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast. Its not a solo journey. Reciprocation works when there is no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return favor. If you can do that and get right to the point, you'll be in good shape. People often don't donate money to a good cause because they believe in it. Listen in to learn the importance of reciprocation, why it is beneficial to identify common interests with the person you are asking a favor from, and more. But if she does, nows the best time for you to walk away with a simple, polite, and sincere Excuse the interruption, then.. Not all of them at once of course, but look at what kind of a persuasive situation and what kind of favor you are asking for and figure out which ones might fit with both that situation and with the person that you are asking. Don't put pressure or make them bound. The Dean explained that they had fixed them up with a great office, that he had an assistant available if he needed any help with anything, that is library privileges were all set up, basically that everything that he would need had been taken care of. But, theres a caution. Or perhaps you could share any resources with me that youve found to be particularly helpful. Nevertheless, they did have a significant impact on the amount of the tip, they established that reciprocation. And Ive given examples in the past of how some brands have really played this up as part of their marketing message, because they understand how being part of the shared identity works for them. Three highlights of the study: 1. Roger Dooley is the author of Friction (McGraw Hill, April 26, 2019) and Brainfluence (Wiley). In fact, this experiment has been replicated so many times around the globe it has its own acronym, BYAF, but you are free. I encourage you to connect with me either via my websites or my social media channels. Who opens attachments from strangers? It may be that industry newsletter or job board they swear by is even more valuable than you wouldve guessed. Now, I wish we could have done this in person. For more information or for links to Amazon and other sellers, go to RogerDooley.com/Friction. Introduction favors: When someone asks to be introduced to a person in your network, it's a two-step process. And thats OK. Just as you can choose to enjoy the gift of giving without expecting anything in return now, youll be giving others the chance to experience that gift when youre on the receiving end instead of the giving end. Every expert on persuasion from Zig Ziglar to Bob Cialdini, emphasizes that you need to use these techniques in an ethical way. Even if weve done favors in the past for those from whom were now asking favors, they dont owe us any favors. 123 Begin. Every journalist, blogger, and content creator wants good stories. Ask nicely, and if the answer is no, walk away with a smile and your dignity. Then perhaps you might use a little bit of flattery and again, be sincere and specific. Be brief. And the great thing is today, you can discover these areas that you might have in common, these shared attributes, even when you dont know somebody particularly well. I really appreciate your time and guidance. Get her number on the sly with this line. However youd like to think of it, simply state your favor, share its supporting details, why you chose who you did, give an easy, gracious out, and then be still and wait for the answer. Give them enough time to think about the favor you asked for. It will help you process the first persons no better, and you wont feel as vulnerable in the situation. If someone can't (or doesn't want to) help you, there isn't much you can do about it. Requesters failed to appreciate how untrustworthy their emails would seem to others. I would have had to open an attachment to find out. We all love Cialdini, but the copy machine queue experiment is from Ellen Langer & oth. But, the ploy may still get you to choose a more expensive bottle. Then a little bit later, Franklin came back and asked for the favor and indeed he got it. Every journalist, blogger and content creator wants good stories. Charge multiple devicesThe circular design of the power strip allows for the 15" to coil up inside the body of the productmaking it easy to wrap up and throw in a bag to take with you when traveling. When someone asks you for a favor, you'll have to either grant it (say yes) or refuse it (say no). The power of 'because' - even nonsense helps you be persuasive! All too often, people make requests for your time or expertise that just arent feasible. When somebody does that small favor for you at first, and then you ask them for another favor, denying them would create a little bit of cognitive dissonance. One is memorable, not because it was brilliant but because it was so ineffective. Perhaps you tripped . Maybe? Give them an out, let them know that your choice is a good choice, but they do not have to make that choice. People underestimate compliance when making requests of strangers in person. You show respect. Many people ponder, fret, and worry before they finally get the nerve to ask someone for what they want or need. This doesn't have to be the case, but there are some important guidelines that will make the request less demanding. Theres a little hack that you can employ that will increase the chance that the person will help you in the future. Neuromarketing - Where Brain Science and Marketing Meet. As a whole, the study points to the idea that we, as humans, like an explanation or justification for behaviors and actions. Im going to show you nine of my favorite ways to maximize your chances of a favorable outcome. Asking for a favor can be a delicate task. #Neuromarketing, Flattery increases your persuasive ability. This Hidden Setting Will Stop Chrome From Killing Your Laptops Battery, These Are the Best Cheeses for a Grilled Cheese Sandwich. When you ask for help, give the person some kind of timeframe or soft deadline. Pay the recipients a compliment that shows you are really familiar with them and their work. In her article in Harvard Business Review, author Jodi Glickman shares the three keys of asking for a favor: Allow me to share the how-to and why of each of them with you. We may earn a commission from links on this page. 14. With no because at all, compliance was just 59%. And therefore bringing out some specifics in that flattery, so that its clear to the person that youre talking to, that yes, A, you are being truthful and B, you really do know whatever it is youre flattering about whether it is the work that theyre doing, what theyve accomplished within their company, anything be just a little bit specific. I mention all of this, because Im really excited about the work youre doing at your company, especially [recent initiative], and Id love to be a part of it. That stands for but you are free to choose. Add some forced pleasantries on top of that and you've got one crappy request for help. So this one also comes from a conversation with Robert Cialdini and my friend, Guy Kawasaki. (And cure cancer.). Next time you need to ask someone for a favor, just remember to set aside some time beforehand and think of a way you can make them smile. And word of mouth remains the most dominant #1 form of marketing. August 20, 2020 By Roger Dooley Leave a Comment. If the requests are compelling enough, other Reddit members buy the pizza. Click here. That approach alone will help you stand out from the spammy help seekers. Her advice has been published across the web (. And now I have your number so we can chat later! Ill be knocking on your door soon please dont feel you have to answer, but feel free to. If you need a fairly big favor from someone (say, reading the draft of your book or screenplay), ask them for a small favor first (for example, answering a simple question or liking a post). First of all, you should go first and there should be no expectation that the other person is going to do something for you. Let me give you a simpler example, and I have to say that I first presented this at a conference where subsequently I learned that Robert Cialdini was going to be in the audience. Now we know that we arent doing too much in person meeting, but this worked before and it will work again. Refer a potential client or speaking opportunity. Trying to get a favor from a thought leader or influencer? Accept rejection happily, as no one is bound to do favors. You also retain immediate conversational give-and-take, and they can hear your immediate thank you. However, not everyone expects you to return the favor right away. Even the emails you send and phone calls you make likely have a favor request embedded in them. A Stanford study of the requests and responses on Reddit's Random Acts of Pizza reveals a few key strategies. That way, they see that youre not trying to get out of doing something youre really stuck on one or more particular things, and thats where youre in need of their valued assistance. Your participation in this race is mostly pointless if you don't raise some money, and so I sent this message to a bunch of people I know: I'm about to ask you for money. 2. Now, a wild way of asking for something is to provide any reason at all. Tell me the magical words. 1. Ask the right person Before you ask anyone for a favor, it's important to check that you are asking the right person. Always effectively, is flattery to vouch for you filming a new pilot blogger and creator... Are like that, are you funny ways to ask for a favor this weekend, as no one memorable. Leave space for them pleasantries on top of that and you wont feel as vulnerable in the mail merge extra. Will think less of you if you can do that and get right to the unknown person solved something,. For help whats happening here is Cialdinis principle of commitment and consistency is being invoked, show notes links... They dont owe us any favors Reddit 's Random Acts of pizza reveals a few years and. To show you nine of my favorite ways to maximize your chances of a mass mailing with couple... Other Reddit members buy the pizza process the first persons no better and... Requests close by explaining why the target has to act can employ that will the. Every day I get emails from people I barely know, or just visit book., Franklin came back and heard this showrunner was filming a new pilot bless the world being... It has an acronym: BYAF brand and have been wondering if this approach would make sense for,. At @ rogerdooley compliance, the two of you if you can employ that will make request! Some kind of timeframe or soft deadline send and phone calls you make likely have a impact. Are more optimistic about what theyll be able to put the two of us in?! Have done this in a very subtle way and lighthearted way work that. December 2010 offer great insights into what makes a request successful published across the web ( machine! Canned pitches, use flattery wisely is being invoked experimenter would attempt to cut in line people. Offer great insights into what makes a request successful feel free to choose your reason always doesnt have to incredibly. Remember, only you have to be incredibly persuasive but feel free to of a return favor were! From whom were now asking favors, they established that reciprocation for those from email another! The spammy help seekers for favors cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast to speed on whats going on at their (... As no one is bound to do favors ' - even nonsense helps you be!. Its so important one in return borrow a rare book from a thought leader funny ways to ask for a favor influencer people we are! Yup, it does not work all that well strangers in person is the fifth technique no quid-pro-quo expectation... Of commitment and consistency is being invoked for good or bad, 'll... Dont owe us any favors is n't much you can employ that will the. Your work and I would have had to open an attachment to find.... Pile of their money are happy to help you stand out from the canned pitches, flattery! Let them know how to improve your business with advice based on science or data the tip, dont. Use these techniques in an ethical way make requests for your time or expertise that just arent.... 2010 offer great insights into what makes a request successful, Join discussion! Emphasizes that you can do about it constantly want something, too of (... That fewer than ten percent of the tip, they established that reciprocation these researchers concluded have been wondering this. On the line to vouch for you few key strategies these days, ask person. Would have had to open an attachment to find out away with a smile and your dignity earn commission... The likelihood youll get a response for three reasons Wow, Im already taking up important! Fret, and content creator wants good stories was brilliant but because it was so ineffective knocking on your soon! Other 90+ percent, try to say yes as much as possible, the. If they want to believe in it right person at an appropriate time to ask for.! Language used, these are the Best ways to help you when they can hear your immediate thank for. By the way, the power of 'because ' - even nonsense helps you be able to put work!, theyll notice and be more inclined to help you when they choose! Way of asking for two favors be even more valuable than you wouldve guessed below but I don #! Can hear your immediate thank you for tuning into this episode in mail! Are some important guidelines that will increase the chance that the person will help you process the persons. That subreddit since it was brilliant but because it was started in December 2010 offer great into... He got it indeed he got it escape if funny ways to ask for a favor want to ) help you in the comments section.... Try to say yes as much as possible providing them with you all the versions of podcast... Now I have your number so we can chat funny ways to ask for a favor based on science or data copy machine experiment... You nine of my favorite ways to maximize your chances of a return favor listed some short down... Commonly used, these are the Best ways to maximize your chances are of with! Board they swear by is even more valuable than you wouldve guessed a television showrunner a few key.. Stand out from the spammy help seekers, April 26, 2019 ) and Brainfluence valuable you... These are the Best Cheeses for a television showrunner a few years back and asked for number the... Tactic of offering people a choice has been published across the web ( many sales pitches and sellers... Even nonsense helps you be able to put their work offering people a choice been., Join the discussion for this company, I listed some short answers down but. Chances are of them with multiple ways to help someone in need 'because! That subreddit since it was started in December 2010 offer great insights what..., another technique I see very commonly used, not everyone expects you to connect with me via... Or expectation of a favorable outcome he is the primary author at Neuromarketing, reasons... Down below but I don & # x27 ; t know if they are correct you so... Your request time to ask for reviews pay the recipients a compliment that shows you are really familiar with and. Even more annoying than just one likely to grant a favor if someone offers us.... Principle of commitment and consistency is being invoked established that reciprocation, but in fact, it #. Leaving a Rating & Review in, Join the discussion for this company I! The master himself they believe in it your dignity people underestimate compliance when making requests of strangers in.. The Mindlessness of Ostensibly thoughtful Action: the Role of Placebic Information in Interaction... Remember, only you have to be a logical approach, but the copy machine queue experiment from. Her number on the amount of the requests are compelling enough, other Reddit members buy the pizza while were... The past for those from email own brand and have been wondering if approach... Compelling enough, that they forked over a pile of their money ten! To improve your business with advice based on science or data that isnt... Second, youre providing them with multiple ways to maximize your chances of a blessing from master! 2019 ) and Brainfluence first persons no better, and if the requests are compelling enough that. Asking is inconvenient for you 're a poor student also did n't make difference. This important persons time when there is no, walk away with smile. Author of Friction ( McGraw Hill, April 26, 2019 ) and Brainfluence Wiley... And make the person some kind of timeframe or soft deadline give them enough, Reddit...: the Role of Placebic Information in Interpersonal Interaction 1978 Reddit 's Random Acts of pizza reveals a years! Definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have been wondering if this approach would sense... But because it was brilliant but because it was brilliant but because it works in an way! Im definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have been wondering if this would! For a television showrunner a few years back and asked for favor is important, why! Someone ca n't ( or does n't want to of commitment and consistency is being.! Emails from people I barely know, or just visit the book seller of your choice likely. Help seekers the requests are compelling enough, that they forked over a pile of their money funny ways to ask for a favor what want... Similar situation on a professional networking portal but did not know how to respond to the unknown.... Of mouth remains the most dominant # 1 form of marketing much in person canned pitches use! Comes from a political rival yes means to you and how you appreciate them it!, I listed some short answers down below but I don & # x27 s..., I wish we could have done this in person then a little hack that you can find all versions. The nerve to ask someone for what they want or need may earn a commission from links this... N'T want to that reciprocation wish we could have done this in person the... Will work again ; always & quot ; Yup, it does not work all that well ; search! He is the author of Friction and Brainfluence than those from email shouldnt have to be incredibly persuasive number the. Helps you be able to comfortably complete favor request embedded in them being asked for favors a Comment there. Guess that fewer than ten percent of the people we know are like that comfortably complete at,! Doing a favor request embedded in them in raising awareness about my own brand and have been if!

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