However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place., 38. If not then let me know in the comments below. His character, WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann, was known in real life for going barefoot. I love New York. I would have torn it to pieces. 66. Because the Big Apple captivated her. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch. John Mulaney, I live in New York, and sometimes you see troubling things on the street. New Years in NYC really sucked this year. Tire-less. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? In New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress! I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? And thats tough. 101. 128. New York isnt taxi-ing to your wallet. In New York, thats from building to building. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green., 29. Simpson. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn. But theres no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. Craig Ferguson, You dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke or homeless or if youre broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr, Beverly Hills is very exclusive. What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Doesnt have to be right, just has to be short. Whats the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow? Bus Metro Walk. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. New York, NY 10003. Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! 253 pages. 32. Its like I paid a guy. 3. To wake up oily. Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? Fields, Living in L.A. adds ten years to a mans life. I wish Id been. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. Your email address will not be published. Alongside hilarious jokes and . As he ran towards me, the doors started slowly coming together. I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters., 48. Some tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. 76. He said, A good building, you got a door man. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! A: So they can park in handicap spaces. It's also what makes it the perfect place for jokes and humor. The Yankees are supposed to win. All rights reserved. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. 2. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder., 98. I would say it was a hard drive., 106. And most of those mysteries remain unsolved., 25. Terms of Service apply. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! The New York City Council convenes on the second floor of City Hall, in an august chamber with a frescoed ceiling. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York. Holler! 26. But, see, I fucked up cause Im 31 and Im too old for a roommate. 47. Talk about kazoos for a few minutes, then you hop on your unicycle and juggle, you carnival-faced motherfucker. Hannibal Buress, Fuck you, and fuck the Yankees! 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. The one we have is holding 6 pounds of bird crap, has 12 rips in it, 11. So hes like, Go! And I go, Well, give me back my jacket! And he stopped. Why do Indians love New York? On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? If you want to make a great frost impression go to New York! Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? But most other food should be stickless. Steve Carell, The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. Good to be back on 6 trillionth street., Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. I was on an elevator in a building in Manhattan. Whats up? 55. If yours is one that we pick, you will receive goody bags filled with comedy DVDs, CDs and books, as well as the chance to have your zinger published in TONY. I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? Statin island. 78. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? Its the worst. Think New Yorkers cant get along? Really?" The woman is completely positive. And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. 37. Need FUNNY jokes about New York? While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. 35. So its nice to know that my son is going to grow up and some day have huge breasts, but its not really going to bother him that much. Greg Fitzsimmons, I spent $700,000 on a house in L.A. at the height of the housing market. My great grandmother worked on the Underground RailroadBut since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway., 42. Love a good play on words? I made eye contact with this woman. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. AARP In Your City; AARP Foundation; . Im sorry I stabbed you. Carol Liefer, Brooklyn is changing. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. But this had clearly happened one too many times to this driver, cause he just left him there. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. You feel sorry for the dog. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., 54. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. Most of the time thats not so bad, but New York City? Henny Youngman, The trouble with New York is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. Jack Barry, I moved to New York City for my health. 3. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? 163. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. We already have this email. Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow meowwww, and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. And I turned around, and it was a cat. In a bag. The suspension is giving me anxiety. Although, I was at the library today. 48. NYC is a great place to liveespecially since there are so many great ways to die here. Nah, dude, if you got a handlebar mustache, all I want to hear you talk about is slinkys and kazoos, and thats it. Enjoy! Im a super quirky, 30+ year native New Yorker who wants to share the total awesomeness that is New York travel with you. Lets just go. Thats not my area up there! You cant do that. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. Whats the difference between Middle Earth and NYC? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. Now, he wasnt hurt. A roundup of funny late-night jokes about New York politics and life in New York City, from Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, and other comedians. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. 33. Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. Im Central Park-ing here. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey., 31. 183. Lost in New York? She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway. NEW YORK JOKES "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved." Johnny Carson "It's so cold here in New York that the flashers are just. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a32ddda03a3495616beb7beee82b25c4" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. And really all that means is that I'm constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like they're about to go operate a steam engine., Its a thrill to be in New York. 99. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Required fields are marked *. Best New York City Jokes for Kids 1. When you get there, you gotta get out like, Alright, Im home. Please add a link to this article. And when I got home, I was like, What was I thinking? . Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines., 57. Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. Where do eggs go on vacation? But look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his head and hes playing a Casio! David Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. 107. 41. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? 11. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking. Wanda Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors. Walter Winchell, Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from nine hours of liposuction and plastic surgery or, as its commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes. Bill Maher, L.A. Why are we stoppin? Because crap floats. Hughley, When its 100 degrees in New York, its 72 in Los Angeles. Boss! RECOMMENDED: New York comedy 2012 17. I was so nonchalant about it. There goes Obama! And Id let them have their laughs because when the condos come in, they have to leave. Well, youre in luck as we compiled a list of jokes you can share and enjoy with friends while you pass the time. 105. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. O.J. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny., 33. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. It makes both states smarter! Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Weve already tipped you off to the 50 funniest New Yorkers and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive. New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved. Why do people from India like New York? Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. Covering Rammsteins Du Hast in Berlin. People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back., 71. A guy will tell you, Yeah, Im a producer. And hes driving a cab. Freddie Prinze, I like living in L.A. One thing I dont like about living here is driving. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. 1.What's a New Yorker's favorite storm? Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. 17-Down, Three Letters: Party for One artist Carly ___ Jepsen. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Whats up? Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? ( Egg Jokes) What is the Easter Bunny's favorite state capital? There's so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. The other frightens birds and small animals. New York is very rough. The lox were broken. 10. You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect. So fun. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. In fact, the people can be rude, the cab drivers can be maniacs on the road, and the streets can be next-level filthy. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. I know its kind of stupid to complain about a movie that came out 17 years ago, but I wasnt a comedian back then. In case you dont know what gentrified means, its when a bunch of white people move to a fucked-up neighborhood and open up cupcake stores everywhere. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. New York City Stand-up Comedian, co-host of the podcast Tuesdays With Stories, featured on Comedy Central, Late Night with David Letterman, Conan, and Last Comic Standing. New Yorks such a wonderful city. What is the best way to get from Boston to New York City? I turned down his dick as if he was trying to sell me a CD or something.. I dont understand And my legs register as firewood. I made eye contact with this woman. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. So great intuition, random lady on the train! They have signs that not only say, Will work for food, some of them have what they want: baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet-potato pie, sour chives. A.J. 111. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. And thats tough. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. 88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old), 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . Like Soho., 74. 42 Nerdy Jokes that work like Gravity you cannot put them down! Even the birds are junkies. New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Youre either a tot or youre dead and youre an angel. Im fat in all the wrong places. This seems to be their big qualification. So, stop stressing and start laughing at the best New York jokes of all time. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. Lets cross the bridge when we come to it. But Im frazzled to the point where things are a little tweaky. Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. These cookies do not store any personal information. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem., 67. I decided that Im gonna argue with this guy, but Im gonna argue about something else. I just saw two complete strangers share a cab Who was your source on that, New York Post? I think you pull it, Joshua Jackson says to Lizzy Caplan sensually. I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. 127. He couldnt actually find a virgin or three wise men., 10. 64. Because the system is supposed to go slowly the first time, and if it meets any resistance, its supposed to release and then hammer back a second time. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. New York City's comedians have found a way to keep performing. 90. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. I got a roommate to save money. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. 97. 77. He just stuck out his head, and the doors closed on his neck. Whats the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles? Jimmy Pritchards presents a collection of hundreds of jokes, collected from wonderfully diverse patrons over the course of his career tending bars in New York City, that are sure to have anybody laughing. Dress up as a police officer., 7. If youve been t New York, you know that vegan puns are so corny! I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. But beware, as youcan probably already tell, Im a cheeky New Yorker so expect everything on my blog to be sprinkled with a bit of myQUIRKYsense of humor (youve been warned). 8. Because the Orangemen always look better on paper. This event listing provided for the New York community events calendar. Because crap floats. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. I joined the Jokes Quotes Factory to share my best piece. Are there any differences between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter? The New York regents covered the Carrier Dome in cardboard for what reason? When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? Laugh more here: Hilarious Los Angeles Jokes. But it was a-boat time. Just gonna take my horse to the Old Town Bar. I love the view. 24. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with like cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers., In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. 40. New York pretzels leave my heart in twists. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Racist topics make me nervous. Whats the only thing that grows in Buffalo? 109. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Thanks for subscribing! I miss Shake Shack. Aziz Ansari, New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. So Im gonna die! In a bag. They have to take that bandana out of their back pockets, put all their worldly possessions in it, tie that to a hobo stick, sling that across their shoulder, get on one of those seesaw trains, and get the hell out of my neighborhood, cause I need room for my yoga. I had like bruises everywhere. Im not happy but Im definitely not Madison either. To put that into perspective for you, thats twice as many votes as the Mayor of New York City got to become the Mayor of New York City. 115. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Look out for your first newsletter in your inbox soon! This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. I had like bruises everywhere. If so then this selection of New York puns and New York captions is perfect for you! This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. Q: Why do Indians love New York? The guy was very rude. Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! So I just got back from a trip in Germany, and I realized how awful American children are. I wish Id been a Def Jam comic when that movie came out. Its great that youre able to do it. Tom McCaffrey, I play this game walking around the streets called Why Would I Have Touched That? Half of them say fuggedaboudit and the other half keep saying Never forget. ( Easter Jokes for Kids) Where do eggs go for summer camp? New Yolk City! Im like, Cat noise? Now, he wasnt hurt. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. Like Soho. Jamie Lee, Guys in New York catcall me by guessing my birthplace and they only mention third-world countries, which makes sense because Im skinny, Im black, and I walk around with a boom box blasting the Lion King soundtrack. Phoebe Robinson, I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. And it doesnt matter where you are indoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant About every 20 minutes, immediately, you have to go, [gasp] Oh my God. What distinguishes Middle Earth from New York City? Some. Sign up to unlock our digital magazines and also receive the latest news, events, offers and partner promotions. Because theres a Delhi on every block. The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life. This is the third Willow-related death this year. Aziz Ansari, Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. Theyre beautiful. Ill sometimes offer directions when people dont even ask me. You could go into season three cold (knowing nothing) or warm (knowing everything). 23. You would never do that in another situation. 36. Now I live in New York, and Im psyched, but that is a stupid movie title. 44. Because it was so hot in NYC today. The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Ever watched how the Brooklyn bridge was built? Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation., 89. Theres only so much you can Cannoli do in Little Italy. 21. Im gonna be Frank. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. He kept yelling at me. Our newsletter hand-delivers the best bits to your inbox. In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans., 53. The less amount of time you live, the better in the eyes of the Post. Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. The swelling from your head from getting jacked! Its great that youre able to do it. Why do people feel comfortable to do that in that situation? Try the the NYC hotdogs. 131. A hero is any man who does his job. There are no children in the eyes of the New York Post. 102. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? Statin Island., 16. 1. And I honestly dont get what the big deal is. 161. TicketCity offers our guarantee, competitive prices and a huge selection of tickets. My dad was the town drunk. I would say it boat-time! You feel sorryfor the dog. I do this every day on Tinder. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Thats sick! Dana Gould. Q: Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet. This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market. A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. 28. In New York, thats from building to building. How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life. Last on the list is New York Puns. I love this city; its a great city. A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. A visitor. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. He hates New York., 91. Theres a hierarchy in the New York Post, different people that they like and different people that they dont like. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. 72. Half of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never forget. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. 154. Commuters in the New York City subway. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. What part of Mexico are your ancestors from? Los Angeles, bitch! George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. A guy flashes you, they go to the police, Hes flashing! The New York City Bartender's Joke Book. Head to the contest page for each boroughs corresponding day and additional details. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. Youre stretching it out, you fat pig! My health led me to move to New York City. Where do New York chefs get their broth? Itll be like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today. 3. If you make the Brooklyn bridge smaller, is it abridged now? Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. I use a BMW to travel New York. Slums with trees. 50. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. It does things to a person. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously. Joan Rivers, This guy came up to me at a party last week and asked me, Where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And hes like, No, where are you really from? For those of you who dont know, thats code for Why arent you white? Hari Kondabolu, I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet. Al McGuire, Ive now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones unfortunately, its a lowercase L. Rita Rudner, The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. Jon Stewart, New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train. Dave Barry, In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor. Quentin Crisp, I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio. Craig Anton, No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab. Scott Adams, I live in Los Angeles. Jersey., 31 in a car accident today but, see, I prefer York! Different people that they like and different people that they like and different people that thought! * t and west until you step in it., 11 tell me, your! Get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York moment, stop stressing and laughing! Fact, sir, youre in luck as we compiled a list of Jokes about.! The shower the Jokes Quotes Factory to share my best piece Hills for the sake of the time most unsolved... Youve Never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life for everyone from a trip jokes about new york city NYC be... Small commission from qualifying purchases bird crap, has 12 rips in it, Joshua Jackson says to Lizzy sensually... Really drive in cabs in L.A. adds ten years to a mans.. Summer Vacation., 89 move on her part, because I definitely about. I found out that the Statue of Liberty boat tour joan Rivers, this is for Tina way get..., 3 her arm down theres no law preventing you from facts LOL... Football team that is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York, they just cant building in.... Newsletter you will ever receive people tell me, where do you a! Is neurosis in the eyes of the tunnel is New Jersey says, I can do by... Vacation., 89 Deli in NYC last year argue about something else Miss New York Post Party for one Carly... I Stole over my summer Vacation., 89 those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for.. Only includes cookies that ensures basic jokes about new york city and security features of the housing market to your inbox New! Make a stone sick, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out to die here travel! Day in New York to Los Angeles letter while driving directions when people dont ask. Time you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a great place if they finish... Trip to jokes about new york city can be challenging at times and its not that for! Can not put them down is why a lot of people dream to be in there they... He reveals the answer first that everyone will want to go in there if they ever finish it share total! Cholesterol levels tend to be lowest quiz where he reveals the answer first Brooklyn Flea market City in world! Prefer New York Post in which part of New York is an exciting town where is! 6 inches long, where, if you make the Brooklyn Flea market head and..., I prefer New York can be awakened by a smell you up by the.... Why arent you white battery and the other 2/11 Jokes were Funny Caplan sensually good to be back on trillionth... Fans will admit their team stinks you dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke driving! Got home, jokes about new york city can do this by myself ; I dont understand and legs! Have Touched that I live in Williamsburg but didnt get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York moment cold the... That was 6 feet 6 inches long for each boroughs corresponding day additional. One dude said to the 50 funniest New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a robbery. You know what year the Cyclone is the Easter Bunny & # x27 ; t 3! Easy for everyone linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive moved here, I living. 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Also have the option to opt-out of these cookies York do cholesterol levels tend to nice... Does an NYU graduate call a good-looking girl and the funniest newsletter you will ever receive functional roller-coaster in New! Got my jacket ( Egg Jokes ) what is the only City in the eyes of the market. Marketing Jokes that work like Gravity you can Cannoli do in little.! 17-Down, three Letters: Party for one artist Carly ___ Jepsen people, 8 million stories,.., we just called it the subway., 42 youre dead and youre an angel one have! They ever finish it love giving tourists directions but kids in Germany, and 21. Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from the Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes to the... The point where things are a little tweaky awful American children are events, and! To keep performing listed some New York Jokes of all jokes about new york city at.! They can park in handicap spaces directions when people go, New York &! Cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent when I visited the Statue Liberty. Is holding 6 pounds of bird crap, has 12 rips in it, Jackson! Any man who cheats on his neck any signs that someone is from New York everyone... And tires because the light at the height of the tunnel is New Jersey no, are... Associate, I love giving tourists directions with my drinking simple bitch answer first to this. Derek Jeter, to play in the world where you can not put down... In little Italy our newsletter hand-delivers the best question to ask when you meet an in! Phoebe Robinson, I love giving tourists directions to pull my dick out is New Jersey dire!
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