Research shows thinking less about a problem might actually be the key to developing better solutions. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how you can stop dwelling in a negative mindset. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. 2003;34(7):1293-1301. doi:10.1016/s0191-8869(02)00120-4, Strick M, Dijksterhuis A, van Baaren RB. The moment you start overthinking, make yourself busy, Sandra Henderson, a love and dating coach, tells Bustle. It makes you worry. A person thinking about their relationships, health, career, self-identity issues, and the like needs to spend time in thoughtful reflection, but too much time in the head can be costly. This form of overthinking happens when you base a rule or expectation for the future on a single or random event from the past. 2013;122(2):339-352. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Thomsen DK, Mehlsen MY, Christensen S, Zachariae R. Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality. Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs. But keep correcting yourself and soon you'll be more focused on what's going on around you instead of what may or may not happen down the road. The Knot Theory of Mind. The goal is always to take action whenever possible instead of ruminating on things that are bothering or worrying you. 2 Clark, D. A. When you try to sleep, you might even feel as though your brain is on overdrive as it replays scenarios in your head and causes you to imagine bad things happening. Do you find yourself getting distracted when you are with your partner? Just to add everyone who's invited and she selectively invited people who have money as she's asking for contributions towards the wedding people who won't be at the wedding either aren't really her friends but regular customers at our work if that makes sense and I'm not really I struggle for money which she knows so maybe she knows she won't have much to lose if I don't come because I won't be able to potentially put in an envelope as much as others. Practice mindfulness meditation to cultivate a habit of mindful presence and build self-awareness. Overthinking isn't the same as healthy problem-solving. When it came to it she said she can't she's booked up for the whole week I chose a day she said no so I said I was free pretty much all week. "And if youre not present, how can you possibly grow in your relationship?". What If Your Overthinking Is Actually Good for You? And I might be completely wrong with the conclusion Ive drawn but thats what is bothering me. And move on to something else (something that isn't confusing!). Many of these are caused by cognitive distortions, which are negative or distorted ways of thinking. Plus, it just makes everything worse than it actually is. ~Karen Salmansohn. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Or the person who treats their partners late nights at the office as a sign of a torrid love affair. If worrying about the future has become a deeply engrained habit, it might take some time to adjust. You don't want to over-focus on someone before they've proven that they're ready to do the same for you. I failed many times when trying to rewire my brain, but I never gave in. Research suggests that people who extend themselves such compassion are more likely to use adaptive coping strategies. Ive accepted it as a part of me I have to live with, but Ive also made great progress in getting past it. Going with the flow is hard, but when you realize that you have zero control over what other people do or say, it suddenly becomes much, much easier. Any negative, unwanted thought triggered an agonizing process of self-analysis. "Anxiety tends to push my friendships away because I get very passive-aggressive when anxious. If the issue is a confusing person, take a sec to tell yourself that you deserve better than mixed messages, and that real excitement should come from mutual interest, not confusion. Well, you've already braced yourself for that. If youre obsessing about an interaction with someone you cant talk to, journal about it. 9. 9. Research has found that a 10-minute meditation can be an effective way to stop intrusive thoughts and worry. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. In fact, the anxiety and lack of trust actually tends to drive couples apart. It can be difficult at first, but learning to call out your own overthinking can help you learn to replace negative thoughts with more helpful ones. If you expect that people will disappoint you sometimes, youll be less likely to overthink things when they do. Overthinking 24/7? Instead, trust that your intuition is trying to tell you something, and do something about it right away. Though I run this site, it is not mine. Once you start overthinking in a relationship, it can feel like you're holding up a magnifying glass in an effort to find and prevent potential problems so that everything turns out perfectly. Heres an example that shows the difference between overthinking and problem-solving: Problem-solving can lead to productive action. Problem-solving consists of thinking about a difficult situation when necessary. 14 Ways to Stop Overthinking Destructive thought patterns Check yourself Find a distraction Breathe Meditate Zoom out Be kind Conquer ANTs Tally up wins Be present Find a new view Take action. Overthinking is almost always in relation to someone else, since you have no possible way of knowing what another person is thinking at any given time. "Instead of always thinking about what the future holds and the end goal of the relationship, take time to enjoy whatever phase youre in currently," Alisha Powell, Ph.D., a couples therapist, tells Bustle. Youll listen as I read texts out loud and ask does that sound okay? Youll soon get the screenshots of conversations as I wonder what it means. Cutting unnecessary ties allows you to focus on one of the most important things in life: true friendship. Ruminatingor rehashing the same things over and over againisnt helpful. We learned to group certain details into categories and assign them characteristics. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology from the Open University and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science, and politics. Your mom, your sister, your best friend (obviouslyyou're the first to hear about it! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. People often come in for their appointments saying things like, "I can't relax. From an evolutionary point of view, the ability to see patterns helped to keep us safe. The amount of time you spend in deep thought doesnt really matter, though. Here's how to recognize the signs that you're overthinking. But you fear losing friends because you have attached your self worth to them and probably depend on them for few things. Making friends with people and holding conversations has become much easier for me. I want you to tell me when Ive done something wrong. "Connect to the idea that you will be OK no matter what happens," Saad says, and suddenly the panicked overthinking will calm down. He is the author of The Anxious Thoughts Workbook and The Negative Thoughts Workbook. Thank you. Youll begin to see texts becoming longer and returning to your phone with more than one. You might even convince yourself that thinking about something for a really long time is the key to developing the best solution. It does not help develop any insight into the situation. I don't know I may be overthinking this I suffer with a high functioning anxiety and I look into everything too much so wanted opinions bc as I stand I just feel like saying to my boss don't worry about looking for cover I'll work it and make up a lie that I cant get childcare (it would of been me and my partner going but he stays with the children when i work). Psychological Science. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. I don't know I may be overthinking this I suffer with a high functioning anxiety and I look into everything too much so wanted opinions bc as I stand I just feel like saying to my boss don't worry about looking for cover I'll work it and make up a lie that I cant get childcare (it would of been me and my partner going but he stays with the children when i work). : metacognitive differences in obsessive-compulsive disorder. You could speak to someoneit helpsor write down every thought running through your mind (my favorite technique to calm my mind). Practicing self-control. THIS Is How You Stop Overthinking For Good, Exclusive Dating Vs. The goal is not to clear your mind, but rather to focus it on something and practice redirecting your focus whenever your thoughts wander. While there are times when it's necessary to read into a partner's text and craft the perfect response like if you're arguing everyday texts definitely don't require a reread. Most times, overthinking is caused by a lack of self-confidence. At first, youll simply wonder why Im not sleeping without realizing something happened that day and its been on my mind all day. Finding ways to put an end to overthinking can help you take action in your life versus simply thinking about things that are bothering you. It's not a reflection on you as a person, and it certainly doesn't mean they care about you any less. Difficulty falling asleep may contribute to more worrisome thoughts. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Now said co worker is getting married the wedding is abroad and I'm not invited( it's family and close friends besides someone has to be in the country to work since the boss and other staff( family) are all going). But if you rely on others to help you make every single relationship decision, you'll end up with too many opinions making it easy to overthink. Now I overthink a lot less and connect with people more, and I believe you can do it, too! Overthinking is a prominent characteristic of worry, rumination, and obsessive thinking. Try to base your thoughts in evidence rather than made up facts, Kathy Nickerson, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Its going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. Overthinking is defined as "a loop of unproductive thoughts" or "an excessive amount of thoughts that are unnecessary.". Overthinking is like getting a bad pimpleit happens to everyone. If ever we do fight Ill be the first to apologize because I hate not addressing things. Except this one time I wanted to enroll in a writing competition. Overthink This quote is your reminder to move on "Your new life is going to cost you your old one. J Abnorm Psychol. Or, at least, so it seems. I want to seem casual. 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